This is how I see me in my dreams

This is how I see me in my dreams

Friday, May 14, 2010

Anticipatory Jitters

...or maybe it's because this is my sixth cup of coffee. Either way, my hands are actually trembling as I'm packing. Three weeks. I'm so happy I got a private room. There's no way I could over-pack like this and fit a roommate somewhere in there, too.

I'm on my way to de-stress, de-tox and de-fat.

I'm making plans...for the first time in a long time, for myself. I'm really good at planning for others. In fact, that's how I used to earn a living...making other people's lives more manageable. But I don't practice that in my own world...until now. So, knowing two months ago that I was going to do this, I made my reservations, drove down to OHI to scope out the available rooms, paid my deposits, booked ALL of my massage therapies (deep tissue; sea salt scrub; reflexology; eight in all over the three weeks...yes, I know, I can hardly believe it myself), booked all of my colonics, (eight of those, too). Even booked a chiropractic adjustment the first week I arrive. Wow.

Then I made a list of the essentials: Sweat pants, sweat shirts, tank tops, tennis shoes, sport socks, exercise bras, regular bras, underwear, Dr. Bronner's natural castille soap, organic shampoo & conditioner, toothbrush, Tom's toothpaste, loofah, bedside lamp, magazines and puzzle books, extra pillows, my big blue blanket, my little lamby slanket, slippers, nightgowns, moisturizing sleeping gloves & socks. What could I possibly be forgetting?

In the interest of brevity (oh really?), I won't continue with my list. There's so much more, I'm actually embarrassed to write it all here...not too embarrassed to cart it all down to Lemon Grove, load it all into my room and pretend that I'm happily availing myself of all my goodies. I'm not good at austere.

But one thing at a time. This de-thing that I'm doing is the beginning of a renewed me. It's really the only thing that's essential. Get myself back on track. Oh. Well, that would imply that at some point in my life I was on track. But who cares if I didn't "get it" until now. I DO get it now. And NOW is all that really matters.

C'mon, it's the same old cliche: Take care of your body. It's the only place you have to live.” I get it. And while it's too bad that it did take me this long, I owe it to myself to not punish myself like this any longer.

First, I'm choosing not to carry around this extra burden on my petite form. Can you imagine how strong I actually am that I've been carrying around 60 pounds of excess weight EVERY DAY and still managed to get through each day with style and purpose. I can barely fathom how light I'm going to feel not carrying around the excess weight!

And the de-stress will be amazing. I know it sounds selfish, but I'm giddy with the thought of three weeks of nobody else's stuff. (Okay, so I typed that, then felt immediately guilty and erased it, then rewrote it, stared at it for a few minutes and decided to keep it in, but I still feel hugely guilty that I would even be thinking like this.) OH MY GOD, I NEED TO GET TO OHI AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!!

My stuff is packed and by the door. I'll put everything in the car in the morning and head for San Diego. I'll spend Saturday with Lawrence, Melodee, & Dustin, not necessarily in that order, and check into OHI on Sunday morning.

Lucky, lucky me! I can hardly contain my excitement!

1 comment:

  1. Oh I'm so glad you like your Lammy blanket! :) congratulations and good luck!! I cant wait to see the new Trina 2.0 in three weeks. Love you!